There is this presence inside of me that needs to be filled all the time. And I fill it as well as I can, but if I have to do anything at the same time, it's very draining. If I am with someone, giving myself to them, I cannot be inside myself simultaneously.
I think it's a job for Jesus. I need to let Jesus occupy that space.
But I get scared to let Jesus inside that space, because I'm not sure what He'll do, and I'm afraid of what He'll do. And I think it's because I don't know Him very well.
It's hard to explain.
You can't govern yourself. And maybe that's a reason people seem to be afraid to believe in God. Because human nature wants what human nature wants, and everything these days is all about finding yourself. Maybe it should be about finding Jesus, though, because He's the one who needs to occupy that space, that space everyone means when they talk about "finding yourself". And then it sounds like you're chained to someone, like you're trapped in this box.
But that's not true.
Because you're the box.
P.S. I'm sorry if you've ever met a... "Christian".